These statements reflect feelings of being upset and overwhelmed, feelings that are common to family members after brain injury. Given the long-term nature of brain injury, no wonder many people get worn down by stress, added responsibility, and worry.

Guilt is one of the main reasons why family members don’t take good care of themselves after the patient’s injury. Expressions of guilt are most common during the first few weeks or months after the injury –

• survivor’s guilt – feeling bad that the other person was hurt and you weren’t. Some family members say that they wish they could trade places with the injured person



• guilt at not having prevented the injury – people spend hours wondering what they could have done or should have done to prevent the injury



• taking blame for incomplete recovery – family members feel that more recovery would take place if they could only do more for the patient

As a consequence of guilt, many family members believe that they must focus 100% of their effort and time on the patient.

Is there an antidote for guilt? Perhaps there is. Try to understand, appreciate, and remember where guilt comes from and how it works -

• After brain injury, guilt is a natural reaction to three separate events:

1. The first is seeing someone you care about in serious distress.



2. The second is wanting to relieve the distress immediately.



3. The third is not being able to resolve their problems immediately.
   
   

Guilt is based in frustration and other painful feelings that are not helpful for solving problems. Caring, feeling energetic, committed, and positive instead will help you to effectively support the patient.
	Everyone, even the toughest athlete or soldier, needs rest. Nobody can go on 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 52 weeks a year. Taking care of yourself is one of the most important things you can do after the injury.

Asking others for help is not a sign of weakness. In truth, asking for help is good judgement, a recognition of being human and having limitations. Asking for help is also a good way to find resources that will get the family through a tough, long-term situation.

You will need many skills to get you through brain injury: problem solving, stamina, insight, and communication. Taking care of yourself will help you be 100% and most effective in helping the patient.