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CHAT WITH PAT
Answers to your personal questions from someone who
cares........ 
DEAR PAT:
SWM in search of anyone! I am a 30-something male who sustained a brain
injury a number of years ago, and my biggest "handicap" is my lack of success
with women. Why don’t they like me? Pat, I need a date -- please advise!
Sincerely,
Desperado
PAT'S RESPONSE:
You are not alone. In fact, I myself have experienced some of the more
unsavory aspects of modern-day socializing (including the highly coveted
"blind date"). When it comes to successful socializing, the place to begin
is with yourself. Take a look at the checklist below as you gaze into the
mirror.
- Do you maintain attractive hygiene habits (daily showers, shaving,
brushing teeth, etc.)?
- How’s your haircut?
- Are you in healthy physical shape (daily exercise of some type,
sensible diet, good posture, etc)?
- Do you make the most of your appearance (clean clothes, ladies: a
little makeup maybe)?
- Is your manner friendly and confident (speaking clearly, looking at
the person whom your are addressing, head up, shoulders back)?
- What activities are you participating in, or what interests are you
cultivating? Take a class at the local recreation center, build models,
volunteer, work at a job that challenges you, call talk shows, at least
read the daily newspaper.
- Are you conversational? Do not focus conversations solely on your
injury and disability. Discuss your opinions, talents, and other
experiences, as well.
- Are you a slave to fads? Tattoos, unsightly piercings, metallic nail
polish, thongs -- avoid them!
My point is that once you take a good look at yourself and become someone
you like, then others are more likely to be attracted to you. We all
gravitate towards positive, self-respecting, courteous people and avoid
negative, self-obsessed, insensitive people. Work hard to be the former;
don’t even consider behaving like the latter.
The next skill you need to develop is a true interest in other people.
When you interact with others, ask them questions about their interests,
their jobs, families, hobbies, favorite movies, most hated fads, .....
Pretend you are a news reporter and it’s your job to casually interview
another person so that you can profile that person in a story. (Don’t get
too personal.) Try not to show an interest in someone just so that you can
assess her dating potential. Make it your goal to become a "people person"
who likes to learn about others without the expectation of personal gain.
Again, this will make you very attractive.
Lastly, seek friends in places where you would like to be sought out. Do
you like to read? Attend an author’s lecture and book signing event. Are you
a painter? Take an art class at the university. Do you like reptiles? Work
in an aquarium. Are you more comfortable with a woman who has had a brain
injury? Seek out the social groups for people with brain injuries in your
town. The department of parks and recreation may offer classes and social
opportunities for people with disabilities, as well. You want to meet people
who share your interests, so go where they go.
Take heart, dating isn’t easy for anyone except sociopaths. Pat knows you
can do it, so put away the Fudge Ripple and take a fragrant bubble bath.
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